• Maura McCarley Torkildson

Clairvoyance and Sand Witches

I know its a funny title, bet it got your attention! It does pertain to the story below which is meant to prompt and support your own exploration. Recently I discovered the root of the shutdown of my clairvoyance, Yes, I’ve known for a while I am clairsentient (I feel other people’s feelings). But I never thought of myself as clairvoyant. It only dawned on me recently when I was communing with a tree. I was seeing the images in my inner vision that always go along with such communion, when I realized oh! This is clairvoyance. The definition of clairvoyance is clear seeing - the power or faculty of discerning objects not present to the senses. Typically people think of clairvoyance as seeing an event that will happen in the future. It is the most popular or most frequently named psychic ability, possibly because we are such a visual culture. I think clairvoyance happens in a range. It’s not that I don’t think people can see events in the future, and clandestine research has been performed by the military on remote viewing. But we tend to think of clairvoyance as the Hollywood version and I think that causes us to downplay our own abilities. I am a very visual person (being an artist). It makes sense for clairvoyance to be one of my intuitive skills. However, I am much more tuned into my clairsentience because I actually use it for coaching clients and so therefore have developed more skill around interpretation. When I experience emotions in a session, I ask, “Are you feeling this emotion?” So often my sense is right on and the response is affirmative. In other words, I get regular validation, allowing me to further hone my skill and build more confidence in it. It’s curious that I didn’t recognize my inner visions as clairvoyance. I just thought all those images were my imagination. I’ve had visions all my life, but I never actually considered them important. Furthermore, I often have no idea what they mean. I just “see” things. Weird things show up – like giant crystal pyramids on top of black volcanic mountains made of obsidian. Often they are more mundane than that. It is only every once in a while that I figure out what they mean. An example was the time I saw golden filaments of light streaming down the crevices in the bark of oak trees with my inner vision. It eventually came to me that trees ground cosmic energy, especially oaks. Later, I ran across an article about a study which shows that tree’s growth may be affected by cosmic radiation. The difference between my clairvoyance and my clairsentience is that I have enough validating experience around my clairsentience to trust it and I have gained skill interpreting it. That is not so with the clairvoyance. My expectations about clairvoyance were pre-determined by how movies and books portray clairvoyance. I am certain I am not the only one that has had this issue. In the movies, a clairvoyant psychic is often “taken over” by visions that interfere with their autonomy. This is not my experience. Not saying it can’t happen, but I wonder how much that is true for most psychics? My expectations got in the way of recognizing my gift. Since recognizing my clairvoyance, I have often wondered why I shut it down. The answer came last week during a healing session. Years ago I uncovered an internal voice whose most common utterance was I hate you, you’re so stupid! Only upon actually hearing it after a shattering relationship problem, did I realize how much damage it had done over the years. Recognizing this allowed me to heal, but I never knew what instigated it. In my recent healing session I discovered that voice came from a particular interaction with my kindergarten teacher. This came up as my healer was working on my right hip (it’s amazing what our bodies hold). I mentioned the voice to my healer and she asked me where that voice came from. Immediately, an image surfaced, me as a small child sitting in a circle with my classmates around my kindergarten teacher. In this lesson she was holding up cards with words on them to teach us the names of common objects. She held up a card, said the word out loud, enunciating carefully, then picked out a child to describe the object. When it was my turn, she pulled up a word and said Sand - wich. What I heard was ssandddd…witch. At first I was confused, this was word I didn’t recognize (at least not said that way). But my mind drew up a picture of a witch with a conical hat emerging from the sand and I popped up with, a witch that lives in the sand. I don’t remember how she responded, all I know is that whatever she said shamed me. All the kids laughed at me. This incident caused me to think I was stupid. Upon pulling up this memory, it became very clear where that particular inner hater voice came from. Even more important, I realized that this incident also caused me to distrust my inner vision. After all, it was that image of the witch popping out of the sand which brought ridicule and shame upon me, so I learned that inner images were untrustworthy. I wasn’t about to risk speaking my inner visions again. The result was that I shut down my inner seeing except for specific places, like drawing, where it seemed to be okay. For the most part I ignored the skill. As a child, I didn’t understand what was happening. Children work hard to mold themselves into acceptable behaviors in order to receive love and acceptance. When we aren’t wholly seen or we are ridiculed, we quickly shut down those parts of us that don’t fit the mold and squirrel them away beyond our awareness. Childhood is where we learn to distrust ourselves. Belonging is so important to all humans, it is crucial for the development of children. How many gifts are shut down at an early age? What does it take to bring them back on line? It’s changing, but the world view I was immersed in as a child was very suspicious of anything esoteric. This left little room for me to hone those skills. I had to figure things out on my own, and much later in life. Here are a few things I think it takes to bring intuitive skills back on line. Self-acceptance is required, curiosity helps tremendously and validation is crucial. Finally it comes to trust – trust in yourself and trust that your gifts mean something, even if just for you. Otherwise why bother exploring them.

What intuitive gifts have you been ignoring or devaluing?

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