If you are like me, you are bombarded daily with emails, social media, and campaigns filled with tips for success, how to achieve goals, how to win clients, how to brand yourself, and so on. If the primary barrier we faced to achieving our goals and aspirations was that we didn’t know how, then we would all have achieved our goals three times over with the amount of information out there. The subtle message behind all these marketing campaigns is you are not enough. And it goes beyond just the marketing, our culture is permeated with these messages. It is also precisely why the marketing campaigns work. I know I feel uneasy and begin to question my relevance every time I come across one of these campaigns. I hear it from my clients too. Brene Brown (Daring Greatly) identifies this as our culture of scarcity. That culture causes us to continually question our enoughness. It also causes us to hide our vulnerability and the shame that goes along with never enough. And so we just keep plugging away at the steps and never really feel enough. Even when we achieve some success, there is always something else to do, to acquire, to achieve, to win. Have you ever completed a goal and automatically rushed into the next one, afraid you would lose relevance? Well, then welcome to the world of never enough.
What if you were enough already? What if your self-worth went deeper than your achievements? What would it be like to naturally believe in yourself enough to stop trying to be and do everything and instead focus on what you love? You may wonder, how do I believe in myself at that level? It may be the opposite of what we are taught. It is not more achievement. Something shifts when we choose to be vulnerable and bring our secret shame to light where it can be seen by others. When we can admit out loud, I am not perfect . Acceptance of our imperfection takes the pressure off and allows us to connect us more deeply with others - to belong, which is the hidden need under never enough. Suddenly we become human, accessible and with the right people, we get to be seen. I mean really seen. When that happens, love is the result. Being seen and loved when we are vulnerable leads us to believe in ourselves despite our “failings" and to feel our intrinsic self-worth. Being vulnerable takes great courage, especially in this culture. But it is exactly the medicine that is needed. As Brene Brown says, the root of courage is not strength, it is vulnerability.
Here is how that shows up in my practice. I love my clients wholeheartedly, but especially when they are at their most vulnerable because that is when they are at their most courageous and when transformation occurs. As a coach, love is my highest offering and the gift I most enjoy giving. I mirror love back so my clients can feel their self-worth and find the resilience to ride the roller coaster of life and learn to love themselves. Loving oneself is not the same thing as self-esteem, which depends on accomplishments to maintain. Loving oneself is being able to accept all of who we are in the good moments as well as the bad. Self-love creates resilience for life, it enriches our relationships and it leads to intrinsic self-worth.
I’ve been developing a writing program, Finally an Author for wanna-be authors and will be launching it soon. This program is for solopreneurs who are...
Emotions Make Compelling Writing
June 8, 2018
Are Ego's Healthy?
April 10, 2018
Steady As She Goes – Honest Post Book Launch Musings